lonely?

I am obsessively lonely. I long for intimacy with anyone and everyone, kind of hoping and looking to everyone for a friend or a lover. I feel alone constantly; there are these moments as I'm driving down the road. And I know all of you, the 99.8% of you who read this blog know me and want to be my friends and cheer me up. You want to say, but I'm there for you Jimmy. But this doesn't do it. I need depth; like a sickening face to face, heart to heart depth. Is everyone like this? I think that something must fill this need for a companion or a chum--something like a dog, or a girl, or God. But, here's the thing, I sabotage my relationships. I dip out of parties when I start to feel lonely around whatever crowd I'm hanging about. I intentionally pursue alone time reading, or writing, or whatever else. I am scared to be rejected even more than I am afraid of being alone. I am shy and insecure, and whoever you are, I don't want to be like that with you.


Listen. I have an intense desire to sit and talk on the couch with you, whoever you are reading this, long into the night with a cup of coffee . . .